Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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