Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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