I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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