I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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