his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
