How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
