she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
