My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
