I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
