i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
that is very illegal...i love you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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