Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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