she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
