Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
