EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
