You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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