I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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