I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
