Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
