You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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