i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
