he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
that may or may not have been my penis.
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