one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
