Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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