We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tell your sister to shave her snatch
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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