the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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