I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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