Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
