Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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