Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
