Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
