I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
