They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
