Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
