Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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