He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
