the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
