is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm having to shit out rocks
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
