with your own penis?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
