I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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