you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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