wakey wakey hands off snakey
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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