just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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