he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
