just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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