she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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