just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
