yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
