Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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