Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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