help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
