How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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