would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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