sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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