k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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