woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
