Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
