If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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