If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
