im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
