the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
