I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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