just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
