Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
