we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
