There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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