Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
