i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
